Cubicle Conundrum - Day 67

Understanding the Cubicle Male



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The Cubicle Male will often be spotted treading the well marked path to the coffee machine. Like many of his species, the Cubicle Male will often arrive at the coffee machine to join a queue of others already at the scene.

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N: Great. This is going to take forever.

Q: I know. Why does everybody need coffee right now?

N: There’s about fifteen other people ahead of us!



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In normal circumstances, such crowds often disperse as each member quickly fills the company provided coffee-drinking-facilitating utensil and leaves. However, there are exceptions.

***



N: We haven’t moved an inch in five minutes. What’s taking so long?

Q: I don’t know. I can’t see the machine from here.

N: They better not be out of coffee.



***

Notice how the Cubicle Male shows an increased level of aggression and frustration at the delay. Delays caused by fellow Cubicle Companions have a very low tendency to be tolerated.

***



N: Did that guy just cut-in the line? Hey! You! Back of the line, buddy. Bunch of #$%@^.

Q: Yeah get some sense of professionalism! Jerk!



***

However, there are exceptions too.

***



Q: Is that B?

N: (sigh) Yes it is. She looks great today.

Q: As always.

N: Did she just cut-in line too?

Q: It’s okay we can’t look at her if she’s behind us.

Cubicle Conundrum - Day 66

N: I’m upset with Low Self-Esteem guy.

Q: Why? What happened?

N: He just doesn’t know when to shut up.

Q: Oh?



N: I was talking to my boss about my work and all of a sudden he barges in and starts telling me how wonderful my typing technique is.

Q: Wow.

N: Yeah. My boss couldn’t stop laughing.

Q: That sucks.

N: I know.



(A few moments pass)



Q: Oh my god. I just found out my project might be shelved.

N: Wow. As in cancelled?

Q: Yeah. This is terrible.

N: Yeah. It is.



(Seconds later)



N: Knock. Knock.

Q: ….

N: Come on. Knock Knock.

Q: So you were mad at Low Self-Esteem Guy for not knowing when to shut up?

Cubicle Conundrum - Day 65

Under-utilized and overrated resource number two: N, I would like to discuss some issues with you.

N: Oh?



Under-utilized and overrated resource number two: I feel that you are demonstrating far too much negativity towards me.

N: No I’m not. I’m definitely not negative.



Under-utilized and overrated resource number two: I think you are undermining my abilities as a competent software engineer.

N: You mean you can talk on the phone AND click at the same time?



Under-utilized and overrated resource number two: You don’t take me seriously when I offer my point of view. Actually, you don’t even consider that I even HAVE a point of view.

N: That’s rubbish, Under-utilized and overrated resource number two.



Under-utilized and overrated resource number two: ….

N: ….



Under-utilized and overrated resource number two: Could you please stop calling me that, especially in the context of this conversation?



N: The context of this conversation is relative with respect to our points of view. While you have been expressing your thoughts on how you feel my treatment of you as an individual in your own right is unfair and possibly biased to some degree, I have been imagining the different ways a human being can arrange forty seven matchsticks to form a perfect replica of various deciduous trees.



Under-utilized and overrated resource number two: ….

N: ….



Under-utilized and overrated resource number two: Why do I even bother?

N: See, now THAT is a question you really should be asking.

Cubicle Conundrum - Day 64

Q: ..and then I finally managed to get it done in time. This job is really getting on my nerves.

N: I know how you feel.

Q: I can’t wait for the day I quit.

N: Same here.



Glass Half-full Guy: I couldn’t help overhearing you two. This job is great. Why would you want to quit? Life’s a gift. This job is a wonderful blessing you’ve been given and you must treasure it.

Q: We aren’t paid well.

N: Free time is a luxury enjoyed once in seven years.

Q: And we have no social life.



Glass Half-Full Guy: Money is no object compared to the wealth of experience you’re gaining. Why have a social life when work can be your best friend? Isn’t it wonderful that you’re in a job where you’re involved with your best friend every day? Besides, seven years is nothing considering with the right diet and combination of rejuvenating exercises, you can live till you’re one hundred and seventy two years old. We need to embrace one another as comrades and realize that every dark cloud has a silver lining. We are kindred souls. We are birds of a feather. We must share a bond that lasts a lifetime. We must be willing to die for each other.



N: ….

Q: ….



N: Well I really see your point now.

Glass Half-Full Guy: I’m so very glad, my friend.

N: So we’re comrades now?

Glass Half-Full Guy: We certainly are.



N: Die for me.

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Introducing Glass Half-Full Guy – Just another SE with the annoying habit of being an eternal optimist.

Cubicle Conundrum - Day 63

Q: I think we’re really lucky to be doing what we do for a living.

N: Yeah?

Q: Yeah. Stimulating our brains and solving complex problems to make the customer’s life easier. Is there anything more noble?

N: Hmm.

Q: We make a difference.

N: Hmm.



Q: I feel really good now.

N: Wait. Tell me again why we’re lucky.



Q: We stimulate our brains.

N: No. We work mechanically.



Q: We solve complex problems.

N: It doesn’t count if we create those problems ourselves.



Q: We make the customer’s life easier.

N: By missing deadlines and handing out inferior software?



Q: ….

N: ….



Q: If you stay really quiet, we might be able to hear our hopes for a better life disappear.

N: Poof.

Cubicle Conundrum - Day 62

Q: Bar was fun last night, huh?

N: Sure was.



Q: Did you manage to ask that woman out after I left?

N: Yeah but it didn’t go very well. I used my best line but she didn’t buy it.

Q: What’s your best line?

N: I walked up to her and said “Well hello there! You look very ‘High-Def’. We should interface because I have HDMI.”



Q: Oh god.

N: Yeah I can’t believe she didn’t get it.



Q: That’s a ridiculous line.

N: No it’s not.



Q: It’s jerks like you who make all software geeks look like stereotypical nincompoops who know nothing but technology.

N: Well I.. I didn’t see it that way..



Q: Sheesh! I mean come on! HDMI? What were you thinking?!

N: I.. I don’t know.



Q: Unbelievable! HDMI? Gosh!

N: Well I just thought it might work.



Q: I mean, seriously..EVERYBODY knows that USB is still the way to go!

Cubicle Conundrum - Day 61

N: Do you think we’ve let our work take over our lives?

Q: No, I don’t think so. I think we’ve done a decent job of balancing our priorities.



N: Precisely. It’s not like we use terms from work instead of normal words.

Q: True. It’s not like we sit around all day here and just do the same at home.

N: Exactly. It’s not like we don’t have any place to unwind apart from the comfort of our homes.



Q: Yeah. It’s not like we haven’t been to any pubs or happening restaurants recently.

N: Hmm yeah. It’s not like we don’t have any friends.



Q: (nods)

N: (nods)



Q: It’s a shame some people live like that.

N: Yeah. That would be pathetic.

Q: Totally.

N: Absolutely.



Q: ….

N: ….



Q: Do you want to hit a pub after work, friend?

N: Yes and eat at a new restaurant.