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Hello folks.

Cubicle Conundrum won't be updated on this blog anymore. I'm working on my new website - A Little Wit of Everything

Apart from Cubicle Conundrum it's going to contain some of my other work all revolving around wit, humor and sarcasm.

It should be up pretty soon. Do visit and drop a line there to be notified when it's up!

Cheers.

Nikhil

Cubicle Conundrum - Day 85

N: I can’t believe the amount of Reality TV we have these days.

Q: Yeah it looks like the world found its next big fix.



N: I saw a show yesterday where women fight with toothpicks all afternoon in order to marry some rich guy who is obviously going to turn out to be some jobless moron.

Q: Oh yeah. I saw that one too. It’s getting quite crazy.



N: I think it’s ridiculous. Targeting the mindless drones who do nothing but feed off the misery of others to give their own lives a false sense of meaning when all they are really doing is eroding every single bit of their soul in their heartless quest for lasting entertainment. Then the next day these people sit around at home or at work arguing incessantly with whoever is around about who will survive the next episode.



Q: Well said, N. Well said!

N: Thanks.

Q: Sure.



N: ….

Q: ….



N: The blonde’s gonna win the next fight isn’t she?

Q: My money’s on the chubby redhead.

N: No way. The blonde has a brilliant stab-action.

Q: The redhead’s low centre of gravity lets her avoid those stabs.

N: But the blonde has more to aim at…

Cubicle Conundrum - Day 84

Q: What’s up?

N: Nothing. Fixing code which isn’t mine.

Q: Ah okay.

N: Yeah. It’s amazing how some people actually think they’re done when they leave some of the most important standards out.



Q: It happens, I suppose.

N: It’s not supposed to happen. That’s what we were trained for. To save people like me valuable time fixing code which should have been right in the first place.

Q: Everyone goofs up, N.

N: They shouldn’t.



Q: I think you’re over-critical. You love finding faults in people.

N: That’s not true.



Q: Yes it is.

N: No it’s not.



Q: ….

N: ….

Q: ….



N: You know, YOUR biggest fault is that you think I am over-critical.



Q: ….

N: ….

Q: ….



N: Oh.

Cubicle Conundrum - Day 82

Under-utilized and overrated resource number two: N, I really want you to stop calling me Under-utilized and overrated resource number two.

N: Why’s that?



Under-utilized and overrated resource number two: Because it’s not my name. It’s offensive, and it’s quite demoralizing because everybody seems to be calling me that right now.

N: Oh, I didn’t look at it that way.



Under-utilized and overrated resource number two: Yes. Besides we’re all in the same boat. You’re the same as me. You’re under-utilized and overrated too. We’re all in this same pointlessly inconsequential state of existence. I have a heart too, you know.

N: Okay I see your point. I won’t call you that any more.

Under-utilized and overrated resource number two: Thank you.



N: From now on, you’re Pointless and Inconsequential Entity With A Heart.



Pointless and Inconsequential Entity With A Heart: ….

N: ….

Pointless and Inconsequential Entity With A Heart: ….



N: You’re welcome.

Cubicle Conundrum - Day 81

N: So then I said “Hey, Mr. Fisherman I told you to hit delete, not enter!!” *bursts into laughter*

Q: *bursts into laughter*

N: Is that B? She’s coming this way.

Q: Wow. I think she is.



*B enters their cubicle*



B: Hi. Do you know where I can find G’s cubicle?

N: *wide-eyed stare*

Q: *wide-eyed stare*



B: ….

N: *wide-eyed stare*

Q: *wide-eyed stare*



B: Umm.. G? Cubicle? Work-space? Anything?

N: *wide-eyed stare*

Q: *wide-eyed stare*



B: *Shakes head and leaves*



N: Why didn’t you say anything?

Q: Why didn’t you?

N: No reason.

Q: Same here.



N: ….

Q: ….



N: I was hoping you’d say something stupid so I could say something after you and leave a good impression with her.

Q: Same here.



N: ….

Q: ….



N: Well at least we both still have a shot.

Q: High-five!

Cubicle Conundrum - Day 80

Q: Well I completed my self-appraisal. Now I just need to submit it, and it’s all up to my manager to seal my appraisal for the quarter.

N: Great. I hope you gave yourself a 10 in everything.

Q: Of course not. I was honest.

N: Honest?

Q: Yes.



N: Honesty is pointless. You’re going to submit your appraisal to somebody who is least interested in doing it. So he’s not even going to care about what you’ve given yourself. He’s just going to approve it. So while you’ve gone ahead and given him some honest feedback, somebody else with half the talent has just given himself a 10/10 in every category and will find his appraisal much higher than yours.



Q: ….

N: ….



Q: Well these appraisals don’t matter anyway. I get my final rating based on the peer-review.

N: Oh, right. The peer review. Where everyone gives the other a lower rating.



Q: Well, yeah but in the end it goes to my manager who will decide. Who knows our performance better than our manager?

N: The same manager who might refer to your appraisal for the quarter?



Q: ….

N: ….

Q: ….



N: You’re welcome.

Cubicle Conundrum - Day 79

Low Self-Esteem Guy: N! Q! I need your help. Quick!

N: What happened?



Low Self-Esteem Guy: My boss called me and halfway through the conversation the call got dropped. I don’t know if I should call back! If I keep trying him while he’s trying me, it’ll tick him off. If I don’t call when he’s expecting my call, it’ll tick him off. If I pause, then try, he might have paused and tried as well and as a result it’ll tick him off! If I don’t think of something soon I might have to destroy my phone!



N: Well I think you should wait for him to call back. What do you think, Q?

Q: No, I think the boss is expecting a call back.



N: But he called in the first place.

Q: Exactly why the call should be returned. It’s courtesy.

N: No it’s not. It’s only fair.

Q: It’s fair if he calls his boss.

N: His boss earns way more than he does.

Q: That’s not the point.



Low Self-Esteem Guy: Will SOMEBODY PLEASE tell me what I should do NOW?!



N: ….

Q: ….



N: Oh fine, call him back.

Q: Actually no, wait for him to call.



N: ….

Q: ….



N and Q together: Destroy the phone.